Someone Cheated. A Checklist of Where to Start

Someone Cheated. A Checklist of Where to Start.
You cheated. Maybe you justified it the whole time but now, you don’t know how to feel. At least you feel relief they know. For some reason your partner isn’t not running to the nearest divorce attorney. You never thought in a million years they’d consider a reconciliation like this.
You were cheated on. Your life feels like it’s crumbling. You can’t catch your breath. Did this really happen? Did I see signs? For some reason, you still love that person. You want to make it work but you’re so angry. What does this mean if you stay? What do I do?

  • Understand it’s okay if you are unsure how you want to proceed. Everything seems chaotic right now and maybe we need to take some time to find clarity, to learn about what happened and figure out if we can come back from this. A lot of couples start therapy with the uncertainty of if forgiveness can truly happen.
  • Set Expectations and Boundaries around the other person. Set very clear boundaries of what contact looks like with the person outside of the relationship. Is there any contact? Is zero contact attainable based on circumstances? Set expectations of what to do if/when the other person does reach out or is in contact.
  • Remove Negotiating. There is no back up plan with this other person. The hurt partner does not have to do xyz to keep you to stay. It’s okay if you, as the one who stepped out, is also unsure if you want to proceed in this relationship but if you are going to see if it can work, you can’t have this back up plan.
  • Commit to Honesty. You may question if you should not tell the truth because it may hurt the other person. While your intentions are good, it will be worse if they find out some other way.
  • Remove Defensiveness and Criticism. If you stepped out, stop trying to defend your actions. Start with trying to understand where the hurt partner is coming from. If you were cheated on, while your anger is valid, stop attacking the other person with hurtful words. Conversations are more effective where they are not full of criticism.
  • Consider Professional Help. This is not an easy journey to take. Expect an emotional rollercoaster. Situations arise and you may need guidance on how to manage them. Also, consider a therapist that specializes in infidelity. You wouldn’t go to a general doctor when you know there’s something specific going on, you’d go to a specialist.

Contact Cassandra Thompson, LMHC. Cassandra specializes and is trained in Affair Recovery.
954-675-1936 x3[